1922-2013
my sweet gpa passed away march 8th.
he went suddenly and quickly
we couldn't have asked for a better situation.
i have been avoiding my blog
but i feel like once i document this i can "move on"
when i was called and told with the news, i needed to be with gma.
and now that i have been home a few weeks
and i know gma is ok...i am finally grieving
he was finally turning into a grumpy old man
one that i still love very much.
he was kind of prepping us all, well gma and i at least
his hearing loss had gotten so bad that we didn't speak much
over the phone, even though i speak to gma everyday on the phone
a few things happened in the days leading up to his death that i want to remember
every month i send about 25 pictures to each of the great grandparents
since they don't have access to a computer.
having a 'difficult' second child has rocked my world
i have never been cluttery or unorganized in my life
and i just can't seem to keep my head above water most days
i use to send them before the end of the month
and they would usually get the pictures by the first
well the last few months it was more like the first or second week
of the month they would get the pictures.
so at the end of february i had a butt load of pictures still on my camera
that i needed to edit, save, save to costco, order, mail...etc...
well i felt prompted to just send what i had flagged
and who cared about editing them and what not.
well on tuesday the 5th they had received the pictures.
every once in a while gpa wanted to talk to me and tell me how cute my kids are
and hoped that i was doing well. that was the last time i spoke with him.
the next day i had an in depth conversation with gma
about if and when gpa dies, how emotionally she will be
he was starting to lose his mind
and her and i had been talking about how hard it is to see the one you love
basically falling apart and the lack of quality of life he was living.
we talked about him sleeping all the time
and how she would be ok since he just slept 3/4 of the day anyways.
then on thursday as we continued to talk about her being ok if he died
she said she would be ok, cause she talks to me everyday
and that is something she looks forward to
she then asked if i would be ok when she died. which i won't be.
expect to know i will be a hot mess
i cry just thinking of it. anyways. i will have a huge void to say the least.
i called gma later that evening for something dumb.
like a recipe question or something. i don't even remember.
but what i do remember is gpa...not asking to talk to me
but telling gma to tell me he loved me and missed my family
which was super out of the blue
because he never did anything like that.
if he had something to say he would ask to talk to me.
looking back...that was his good bye
even though we didn't know he would die a few short hours later.
friday morning i got the call and we were on our way to utah by noon.
after eddie tied some things up at work.
it was so nice to be with gma and she is doing so well.
one thing i wanted to do was take pictures
to document this farewell. because i know gma loves pictures
i know she would appreciate these pictures
that she would be able to look at them whenever she wanted or not at all.
these pictures are just a few of what i took.
my aunt gloria created a beautiful spread
of pictures through out his life.
eddie was so helpful and supportive
gma kept telling me how great of a guy i had, as if i didn't know :)
the viewing wasn't as hard as i thought it would be.
he didn't look like himself, if that makes sense.
for one...when he slept he always had his mouth wide open.
so maybe if his mouth was wide open he would have looked a little more like gpa
his hair was also combed back, where as he always wore a part.
but i will cherish this picture, even though with the make up on his hands
gpa always wanted me to cut his nails and file them
he would even go to the extent of running his fingernail against his shirt
to make sure there weren't any snags
when i lived in utah and worked not to far from their home
he would call and ask if i would come for lunch
so i could cut his nails. and he would always want me to do it right away
as if i would forget.
when i moved away and would come visit he would still want me to cut his nails
and would always want me to do it right away
even though i would be staying for a few days.
we had a beautiful grave side/site? funeral for him
i could tell gma didn't hear anything he said to her
since he was whispering and she is a little hard of hearing.
but basically thanked her for his service in the military.
love this picture.
the men in the family sang his favorite song
'because i have been given much'
it was so nice to have all the grand kids come together.
norman, our oldest relative living (93) gave a few remarks
and talked about memories of him and his wife
and gma and gpa when they were younger (in their 20's)
gma and her daughters.
after the funeral, gloria's ward put on a wonderful luncheon for us.
and of course i am eternally grateful to my jessica.
not only did she open her home to us
but she also watched emi for 2 days straight.
eddie and i didn't think she was ready to experience a funeral or viewing
we explained great grandpa died and went to live in heaven
with his son bobby, mom, dad and brother. and she accepted that.
